Assigning gender roles

I have no desire simulate a heterosexual couple by defining butch-femme roles in my relationship, however I have amused myself more than once with the question "Which one of us is the most butch?" It's a tough call, K's reluctance to wear dresses and half-inch of superior height is offset by my interest in football and ability to exist for long periods of time with only two units of footwear (left and right).

To settle the dispute, we both took a reliable, scientifically valid, psychometric test entitled "Are You Masculine or Feminine?"

Three minutes of careful concentration revealed that whilst I am two third feminine, K is only just above androgynous, being 56% feminine and 44% masculine. As a result of this new discovery, I'm going to insist that K goes out to work and gives me all her money to spend on handbags and perhaps even a third item of footwear.

Why depending on a partner is impractical

Discovering that my psychiatrist suspects that my new relationship is "helpful" made me feel uncomfortable. After our most recent, very brief quarterly meeting, he wrote to my GP outlining my progress. The letter began,

"Sharon has had a good few months. She seems to have a new relationship which I suspect is helpful..."

The reason that I found this slightly irksome is that over the last few years, I've achieved something very important, which I think he may have missed: I am capable of looking after my health without being in a romantic relationship. Indeed my period of prolonged good health started well before I met my current girlfriend.

I firmly believe that for someone to function well in a relationship, they must be capable of functioning whilst single otherwise the stakes in the relationship are too high. It's one thing to risk losing somebody else who's important to you, it's another thing entirely to risk losing yourself.

I'm not disputing the positive value of a supportive partner, indeed an insensitive, spineless prick can exacerbate mental health problems beyond belief, but I'd rather view having a sensitive partner as an added bonus, complimentary to my progress rather than someone whose affection is a necessary component of my health.

Seeking suitable voluntary work

In light of my recent discovery concerning the lack of effective back to work schemes, I've started to think about doing some voluntary work as a an intermediate step towards returning to full time paid employment.

One requirement of a job is that it needs to be something where anything I do to help is a benefit, rather than my having to take time off being a hindrance. For example, if I visited sick people in a hospital, they would (hopefully) be helped by the hours I could do, but if I had to take a few days off due to ill health, nobody would be upset because they weren't expecting to be visited anyway, whereas if I worked in a charity shop, taking time off at short notice might inconvenience people who were hoping to have the afternoon off.

I also quite fancy working out of doors. Anyone with any great ideas?

Back to work scheme, my arse!

In 2005 it was reported that 2.7 million people claim incapacity benefit in the UK. This figure is astounding so unsurprisingly, the government are keen to get people off benefits and back into the workplace. However, they don't make it easy for the average person experiencing health difficulties.

Until recently, I was too sick to work at all and now, although I'm far from able to work full time, I think I might be ready to try some part time shifts.

I was delighted to discover a scheme that allows people claiming incapacity benefit to work for a small number of hours per week, without coming off their benefits. This was exactly what I needed to hear. I certainly am not well enough to work enough hours to earn a living but find it difficult approaching paid work when I know I won't see a penny of what I earn. The scheme allows people in my position to earn up to £80 a week for a trial period, without it affecting their incapacity benefits.

However, although my incapacity benefit would be protected if I joined the scheme, after the first £20, my housing benefit would be reduced by approximately the same amount as I would take home.

What is the point of the helpful back to work scheme, if it's incompatible with other benefits that sick people are likely to be claiming?

Showing emotion

It's so nice to be in a relationship where showing emotion is not only tolerated but actually encouraged. My last partner was so terrified of commitment that the words "I miss you" caused him to break out into a cold sweat. Calling more than once a week was also problematic, frequently leading to the phrase "Can we cool things down a bit?" As for "I love you," well, I tried it after just a few months (15 or so) and as far as I know, he's still hiding in a cave somewhere in the southern hemisphere.

Person first, Gender second

I've been both delighted and bewildered by the overwhelming response to my new partner. It appears that nobody can wait to tell me how much they support my choice.

Part of the enthusiasm is no doubt born from the fact that K is fabulous but even her instant likeability does not explain the magnitude of the reaction. After taking K as my date to a party, before we were even really a couple, three people wrote to me to express their approval. Within minutes of arrival, one friend took me aside to tell me how much she liked K. Another friend, after studying only K's facebook profile, told me "I really like her and you two seem to be made for each other." These remarks were obviously much appreciated but left me wondering why none of my other dates sparked such an intense response.

Granted, my taste in men is atrocious and most of the guys I've brought to parties have been obnoxious w*nkers but many of K's fan club have never even spoken to her so really, it's far too soon for them to have ruled out the possibility that she's a total moron, a psychopathic killer or even a lawyer . I've concluded that a large part of the hype is due to her being, essentially, a her.

This leaves me divided, on the one hand I'm overjoyed that my friends support my choice of lifestyle and are prepared to accept my sexuality but on the other hand, a part of me wishes that K's gender played no part in people's evaluation of the situation. I'd prefer it if people just saw me dating K rather than dating a woman, who happens to be K.

Similarly, I'm not sure how to take the remarks from the handful of guys who've expressed that they find our relationship sexy. Of course I know it's supposed to be a compliment - and hearing agreement that K is beautiful makes me feel ever so smug - but I've never had someone approach me when I've been with a male partner to say that seeing us together makes them hot and if that had happened, my ex-boyfriend would have probably thumped the 'admirer' on the grounds that he was a disrespectful pervert.

Perhaps I just need to accept that when you're in a lesbian relationship, people are going to respond to you if you're in a lesbian relationship. It just takes some getting used to.

As for the three men who remarked "It's such a pity when fit girls are lesbians" - Ha! You're so wrong! From where I'm standing, it's bloody marvellous.

Immature, homophobic boys

"Can you do that again so I can take a picture on my phone?"
and
"Do you play with each other's fannies as well?"

are not things you wish to hear when you're trying to discreetly kiss your girlfriend goodnight yet it didn't stop three idiotic guys from approaching us with such questions outside Waterstones yesterday.

For some reason, "Leave us alone!" wasn't something they managed to extract from "F--- off!" with one continuing to tell us,
"I'm not being disrespectful, I love lesbians."

We hugged and then went our separate ways feeling rather annoyed. Even if I could stomach immature, homophobic boys perving, they spoilt what would have otherwise been a lovely moment.

Threesome friendly birds

I witnessed a contender for the worst chat up line ever this week, from a male friend who has never met Ms. New Romantic Interest.

It went along the lines of:

"My girlfriend dumped me because I was being possessive and jealous. Now I'm on the rebound and very horny. Is your new bird threesome-friendly?"

Smooth.

Does being in a lesbian relationship increase your weight?

Last night I saw a lesbian couple that I haven't seen for three years. They appeared to have put on a combined total of six stone. This isn't the first time I've observed such a change in older, settled lesbians. Is that what generally happens when you get a girlfrined? One stone for piece, per year?

Why is getting back into the work force so difficult?

Job hunting makes me want to go back to bed. Apparently I can't just see a job that I fancy and apply. Oh no, that would be too simple. In order to protect my benefits, I have to go through a special agency and if I don't protect my benefits, I have to work more hours than I can conceivably manage under my current medical circumstances, to be any better off than I am already.

Transvestism

When I ran into an old acquaintance at the weekend, I asked what he'd been up to and, on remembering that he used to wear amazing, imaginative jackets, I began to say "Still wearing the.."

Before I could finish, he completed my sentence, "...women's clothing? Yes."

So that was an interesting insight I hadn't been expecting to capture.

New romantic interest portrayed through abstract art

I wouldn't be a very good blogger if I whined continually about not getting any action and then neglected to mention that I've met somebody. However, because I don't want my new found romantic interest to catapult me out the window, I've decided to shy away from writing about her and so I will summarise our romance so far, using abstract imagery.

Our first date

Her smile

Our second date

Who needs words when you've got a touch pad and some budget paint software?