What's it like to date somebody with bipolar disorder
Some of my visitors have been asking what it's like to date somebody with bipolar disorder. It's a difficult question to answer because everybody's experience of the illness is different. Some people, when medicated, live a life relatively free of mood swings but others either don't seek help or do not respond to treatment with the same success.
Dating an oscillating manic depressive is no doubt challenging and it does take a certain type of partner to make a go of it. It also takes a certain type of patient - one who is prepared to seek help outside the relationship.
I'd say that the key to survival in a relationship where one, or both parties has a mental health problem, is the same as the key to managing the illness on your own - awareness. If both partners know what to expect and can recognise symptoms when they occur, and perhaps even before they occur, it takes a huge weight off the relationship. Likewise it is important that a partner knows how to respond to mood swings and understands what help is available and how to get it.
Below is a very general list of the pros and cons about the reality of dating somebody with bipolar disorder but please bear in mind that there is so much individual variation that not every point will relate to every sufferer.
This is not supposed to be a detailed list of symptoms, for that see one of the many information websites such as helpguide.org.
Difficulties dating somebody with bipolar disorder
- seeing somebody you love suffer can be painful
- we can seem unpredictable until you get to know us well
- we need support more often than people without health problems
- you will need to devote time to learning about the way our illness affects us
- joint accounts might need extra restrictions if manic spending sprees are a problem
- bipolar disorder can often co-exist with other mental health problems
Advantages to dating somebody with bipolar disorder
- those of us who've had therapy are often better equipped at dealing with every day problems than your average person, who's never been taught the skills
- we are generally quite creative
- we're generally more sensitive than others
- we've experienced diversity
- after experiencing a major illness we may be less fazed by smaller problems that people with less perspective get wound up about
- we've usually got an interesting past
If you are, or are thinking about, dating somebody with bipolar disorder then talk to them about their experiences, find out what other support they have (e.g. friends, family, medical help) and read up on the disorder. Try to assess your partner's willingness to seek help outside the relationship. Discuss strategies for dealing with difficult times. Only when you've got a full picture of the situation, can you decide whether or not your (prospective) partner's bipolar disorder is something you can take in your stride.
Do feel free to add any points you feel I've missed, this is by no means supposed to be an exhaustive list.
2 comments:
The link seems to be pretty main stream. I suppose as good as any for the layman and I am, but unfortunately or fortunately (I do think we have gifts that come along with it) keenly aware of Bipolar. And hello.
Bipolar me? Yup. Single? Nope. But have been most of my life. Gay? Nope, but gave it a few tries and found I enjoyed breaking the taboo the part that I was enjoying and not the relationships. However I do think I am inclined to view the same sex a bit differently then the main stream, but how would I really know.
Some other things have come along for my Bipolar ride as well. By the time anyone had any idea of the Bipolar, well I'm old, 58, and it's difficult to sort it all out. ADHD has been diagnosed about 15 years ago and within that time frame Bipolar as well, before that Epilepsy, and for some reason the ADHD has mysteriously disappeared from my med records and no one knows why, when, or by whom. My axe to grind. General Anxiety Disorder as well. Probably mildly Dyslexic. High functioning Asperger's fits like a glove, but for reasons they refuse to take it seriously, well we'll see what happens there. It is horrible to sort out and basically I look at it as treating it topically as it pops up. Welcome to the dark ages. :)
I haven't taken the time to read all you have written and perhaps you have already touched on a subject I have been thinking a lot about for about a year, actually a bit longer. Hasn't been in the books very long, at least here in the States. I will admit straight out my focus may not even make the attempt at looking over all you have written. Anyway it has to do with Complex PTSD, not to be confused with what most think of as PTSD and the following reference should have used it and not PTSD, but in a very round about why they are, and if you use Wickedpedia you will see it described in reference #55 under Borderline Personality Disorders, under Terminology. The term she uses appears not to have been accepted, but... I'm seeing it discussed more and more in other places, but again not using the letters she uses. And is as follows:
"Another term advanced (for example by psychiatrist Carolyn Quadrio) is Post Traumatic Personality Disorganisation (PTPD), reflecting the condition's status as (often) both a form of chronic Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD) and a personality disorder in the belief that it is a common outcome of developmental or attachment trauma.[55]"
I think it very plausible and very likely, but difficult in my case to separate. I do think I'm seeing it in large amounts on a certain Asperger's Syndrome site and lord help you if stereotype that one, it is a spectrum, much like I would rather see BP listed as, I don't think you would. I dislike using high functioning and low functioning, but I do use it.
My BP, personally, has been very resistant to standard treatment, which leads me to think of several options or reasons, of which I will stifle for now. I also am a Veteran from the Vietnam Era and use the Veterans Administration for treatment and that alone is my axe to grind and not here. I was not in combat, but in the same sense was, just getting by in the military and to a huge degree I think that is true with most of use that have gone through any amount of life not knowing and even knowing about ourselves.
Mine happens to be a bit better under control in the moment and with the better control guess what appeared. Writing, it's poor, I know, but it was like giving me the gift to see. Now you can't shut me up, like you could before in person? Nope.
Sorry to take this off subject, I do have things to say more on subject, but this is more of a hello. But, as always I must be careful of too many irons in the fire and not over extend or nothing gets done and sometimes that happens anyway. :)
I was just diagnosed bipolar 2 and... I also recently separated from an incredible girl who was very patient with me. We were together almost 9 years. The first 5 were complete and utter uninterrupted bliss for us both. I love her more than any other person in my life. In the end, she couldn't understand me from an emotional viewpoint though she tried and tried and never left my side. In the end, I broke it off to spare her. She deserves a better life than one with me. Her pain with me began to outweigh her joy with me.
Every person is different of course and you've got to factor in their base personality, life experience, willpower, spiritual strength and maybe even astrological aspect. Different ingredients make different tasting soup. The one common ingredient: Bipolar, is akin to... Bitterness. Judged by itself, bitterness is not very palatable and anyone would tell you bitter doesn't taste good and so stay away. But that would be oversimplifying it. No one is 100% bipolar. It's just an aspect of them. Maybe a minor ingredient, maybe a major one.
Think of chocolate. Some like milk, some like dark. Some like very dark. Well, very dark chocolate is much more bitter than milk chocolate, but it is also more pure. Less watered down. Less middle of the road. More extreme.
This is to some extent, bipolar disorder. The highs are spectacular and so are the lows. Date someone like this and you go on that ride with them. For most people, it's too much. But guess what? There is a scientific and statistical link between bipolar disorder and highly creative individuals. This includes the guy who wrote you that poem that seared itself into your heart and it also includes that sexy lead singer in that incredible band. The one who writes those amazing lyrics. There are countless women who are drawn to that fire of emotionality. And there is a high chance that what makes that person so hot includes bipolar craziness. If you want to get super close to that flame, you must develop a high tolerance for both burns and emotional scars.
Is it worth it? I hope so. If it isn't, I'll be alone from now on. I don't want to hurt anyone anymore, but I have a lot of love and passion to give. I pray I meet a woman someday who will be willing to pay the price of my mood swings in order to enjoy the ultimate highs of life and love. It's a costly admission ticket, but it can be an incredible ride if you've got the stomach for it.
My only advice for those in a relationship with a bipolar is this: If you love them, but you can't reach them in their darkness, don't feel bad. They are mad, you are sane. It isn't possible to be there with them. It is suffice to just sit or lie with them and keep them physical company. A sincere hug or kiss on the forehead can work miracles - in the long run. The proximity of love is often enough. You wont see immediate results, but they will definitely be there. Think of it like visiting someone in the hospital. It doesn't cure them, but it makes all the difference.
- The Broken Romantic
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