What's it like to date somebody with bipolar disorder

Some of my visitors have been asking what it's like to date somebody with bipolar disorder. It's a difficult question to answer because everybody's experience of the illness is different. Some people, when medicated, live a life relatively free of mood swings but others either don't seek help or do not respond to treatment with the same success.

Dating an oscillating manic depressive is no doubt challenging and it does take a certain type of partner to make a go of it. It also takes a certain type of patient - one who is prepared to seek help outside the relationship.

I'd say that the key to survival in a relationship where one, or both parties has a mental health problem, is the same as the key to managing the illness on your own - awareness. If both partners know what to expect and can recognise symptoms when they occur, and perhaps even before they occur, it takes a huge weight off the relationship. Likewise it is important that a partner knows how to respond to mood swings and understands what help is available and how to get it.

Below is a very general list of the pros and cons about the reality of dating somebody with bipolar disorder but please bear in mind that there is so much individual variation that not every point will relate to every sufferer.

This is not supposed to be a detailed list of symptoms, for that see one of the many information websites such as helpguide.org.

Difficulties dating somebody with bipolar disorder
- seeing somebody you love suffer can be painful
- we can seem unpredictable until you get to know us well
- we need support more often than people without health problems
- you will need to devote time to learning about the way our illness affects us
- joint accounts might need extra restrictions if manic spending sprees are a problem
- bipolar disorder can often co-exist with other mental health problems

Advantages to dating somebody with bipolar disorder
- those of us who've had therapy are often better equipped at dealing with every day problems than your average person, who's never been taught the skills
- we are generally quite creative
- we're generally more sensitive than others
- we've experienced diversity
- after experiencing a major illness we may be less fazed by smaller problems that people with less perspective get wound up about
- we've usually got an interesting past

If you are, or are thinking about, dating somebody with bipolar disorder then talk to them about their experiences, find out what other support they have (e.g. friends, family, medical help) and read up on the disorder. Try to assess your partner's willingness to seek help outside the relationship. Discuss strategies for dealing with difficult times. Only when you've got a full picture of the situation, can you decide whether or not your (prospective) partner's bipolar disorder is something you can take in your stride.

Do feel free to add any points you feel I've missed, this is by no means supposed to be an exhaustive list.

I kissed a girl and I liked it

How many genuine teenage lesbians not getting beaten up in the street will it take before I forgive this song it existence?

I'm talking of course about the bloody dreadful "I kissed a girl and I liked it" by Katy Perry. Everything I hate about straight girls tarnishing the name of bisexuals, in one particularly cringe-worthy song.

Here's a taste:

I kissed a girl and I liked it
The taste of her cherry chap stick
I kissed a girl just to try it
I hope my boyfriend don't mind it
It felt so wrong
It felt so right
Don't mean I'm in love tonight
I kissed a girl and I liked it
I liked it

No, I don't even know your name
It doesn't matter,
You're my experimental game
Just human nature,
It's not what,
Good girls do
Not how they should behave
My head gets so confused
Hard to obey

Now songs like this do have a positive effect on the lesbian community, in that an otherwise homophobic person might look more favorably on a lesbian after hearing the song and thinking light homosexuality is cool, but they also make bisexuals look stupid and frivolous.

UK Dating Website's Fierce Prejudice Against the Mentally Ill

The Leona's personal ad advert is horrendous. The video is essentially a pretend lonely hearts advert containing a girl with Tourettes, followed by a splash screen saying,

"Don't worry fellas, she won't be on (our website.)"

Real people (about 1 in 1000) suffer from Tourettes through no fault of their own and their lives must be difficult enough as it is without this sort of prejudice. Does the dating website in question feel these people are not entitled to a love life? If they used a physically disabled person in their adverts followed by the same slogan there would be outrage and I'd be pretty pissed off if they depicted somebody with bipolar disorder and declared that they weren't good enough for a dating website.

Why not make fun of serial cheaters, stingy people or those who kill small animals rather than people whose supposedly undesirable behaviour is caused by something unwanted and unavoidable. If they had to pick a psychological disorder (and forgive the "Arrested Development" reference) why not have gone for the fictional Never Nude affliction? Whilst phobia of nudity exists, there (probably) aren't actually real people in the world who have a pathological need to wear cutoffs all the time.

I'm not the only one outraged by this. Some commentators on the youtube video have pointed out:
"I think she is hot and I would have no problem with her"
"You shouldn't make fun out of people with mental problems you sick bitch"
"Tourettes is an awful affliction. it is not funny for the sufferers or their families. there are better ways to advertise a hook-up website."

Don't get me wrong, I recognise that you can use mental illness in humour but you have to be clever with it, for example this fake problem page letter (sent in anonymously), where the joke comes from the unexpected fact that the difficulty referenced throughout, is posture and not the more obvious Tourettes. You can even get away with laughing about somebody's symptoms if you're careful to laugh with them but showing that somebody is different and then ostracizing them is just terrible.

Volunteering begins!

So I've just arranged to start volunteering for a charity in Oxford. I went in to get some advice a few weeks ago and ended up taking away application forms and now I've got two training sessions lined up.

This is a massive step for me as I haven't undertaken any structured work for over two years. I'm hoping that I will be able to build up hours and use this as a stepping stone to get back into full time employment. It's also great for my self-confidence to know I'm going to be doing something that will directly benefit other people. Of course there is no shame in being too ill to work but it feels great to finally be moving forward.