Are people with bipolar disorder more likely to be unfaithful in a relationship?
Mania and hypomania are associated with lowered inhibitions and increased sex drive, so does that mean that we're likely to cheat on our partners? It's something I'm asked a lot by readers who are considering entering into a relationship with somebody who suffers from bipolar disorder.
A scary number of websites are quick to condemn us despite an absence of any modern data on the topic. Is it reasonable to assume that we're not capable of monogamy or is the stereotype vastly inaccurate?
The first thing I'd say is that every bipolar person is an individual. We have a diverse range of moral values just like any group within society. Some of us greatly value monogamy and trust, whilst others have more casual attitudes towards commitment. Therefore statistically, some of us are bound to be more trustworthy than your average scoundrel.
The second important thing to note is that people with bipolar disorder are not constantly manic. If there is an increased risk of unfaithfulness as a result of bipolar disorder, it will be limited to times when that sufferer is experiencing a period of elevated mood. Talk to your prospective partner, find out how well he/she is managing the disorder and use that to inform your judgement. Some people undergoing treatment for bipolar disorder never experience further periods of mania in their entire lifetime.
Something which is often overlooked when people are ranting about the sexually reckless behaviour of people with bipolar disorder, is that periods of depression are associated with decreased self-esteem and decreased interest in sex. This means that during some periods of time, a bipolar person is much less likely to cheat than a stable person. However having to watch a partner suffer from depression can be a painful experience in itself. I'd rather my partner had casual sex than felt suicidal.
Also, an increased risk of making a reckless mistake when sick, does not translate to an increased risk of ongoing affairs and deception. I can see no logical reason for believing that a person with bipolar disorder would be more likely to be dishonest and untrustworthy on a day to day basic, than your average healthy person.
In summary, get to know the person you want to date. Find out about their fundamental attitude towards relationships and monogamy. Determine how well they are managing their condition. Find out what you can do to help and develop plans for dealing with difficult times. Don't simply write someone off because he or she happens to suffer from bipolar disorder - you could be missing out on a wonderful, healthy relationship.
7 comments:
Tangent:
“Some of us greatly value monogamy and trust, whilst others have more casual attitudes towards commitment.”
And some people greatly value trust, but not monogamy. That's polyamory.
True, although I'm not sure that people with bipolar disorder are any more or less likely to be polyamorous than others.
I'm polyamorous and it doesn't feel by choice. But I suppose it is. Somehow. Somewhere. Nice blog.
Bipolar is just an excuse for some to be promiscuous, if you feel an elevated mood, coming on then you know yourself and can control it, we can all feel a elevated mood and be
promiscuous, Alcohol can also bring this about it is about self control and many Bipolar use this as an excuse for sex and also to spend money ect if you feel it coming on then you know and you have the option to say NO i will be surprised if this gets posted, but i dated a Bipolar and her attitude was to boast to her few friends, i can do as i want i just say it is my Bipolar and with medication she choose to take as and when she pleased, she was in control because she knew exactly what she was doing and why
Anonymous, there is a huge difference between an excuse and an explanation.
It's all very well for you to sit on your high horse and say "I could say no" but the fact of the matter is that if you had the same drives and influences as someone in the extreme stages of mania, you would behave exactly like someone in the extreme stages of mania.
When your inhibitions are lowered to almost zilch, you would not realise the importance of saying no in some situations.
It really annoys me when people without bipolar disorder think that they can speak for people who do suffer from it.
That's the equivalent of saying, "She's got cancer. I haven't got cancer. Therefore cancer is easy to avoid."
Grow up!
Nice post. Hypersexuality is a problem for me and it only started in my mid-30s. For those who are prone to it I'd say adhering to monogamistic values - no matter how firmly held - can be a real challenge. Who's to say how difficult it is for each individual? Why can one person get clean and sober while another fails? It can't always be reduced to commitment.
For more on this check out: http://www.bphope.com/Item.aspx/522/opening-the-door-on-hypersexuality
I just happened to find this, and I'm in a polyamorous relationship with someone who's bisexual and has bipolar disorder I. I like that he's very flirtatious, that's part of what attracted me, and he might as well be with someone who's fine with his flirting with others. While I expected the sometimes-voracious appetite (and, when he's depressed, I can tolerate the opposite) I never associated his disorder with dishonesty. That's sad that anyone would warn against dating people with it for that reason.
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