Are people with bipolar disorder more likely to be unfaithful in a relationship?

Mania and hypomania are associated with lowered inhibitions and increased sex drive, so does that mean that we're likely to cheat on our partners? It's something I'm asked a lot by readers who are considering entering into a relationship with somebody who suffers from bipolar disorder.

A scary number of websites are quick to condemn us despite an absence of any modern data on the topic. Is it reasonable to assume that we're not capable of monogamy or is the stereotype vastly inaccurate?

The first thing I'd say is that every bipolar person is an individual. We have a diverse range of moral values just like any group within society. Some of us greatly value monogamy and trust, whilst others have more casual attitudes towards commitment. Therefore statistically, some of us are bound to be more trustworthy than your average scoundrel.

The second important thing to note is that people with bipolar disorder are not constantly manic. If there is an increased risk of unfaithfulness as a result of bipolar disorder, it will be limited to times when that sufferer is experiencing a period of elevated mood. Talk to your prospective partner, find out how well he/she is managing the disorder and use that to inform your judgement. Some people undergoing treatment for bipolar disorder never experience further periods of mania in their entire lifetime.

Something which is often overlooked when people are ranting about the sexually reckless behaviour of people with bipolar disorder, is that periods of depression are associated with decreased self-esteem and decreased interest in sex. This means that during some periods of time, a bipolar person is much less likely to cheat than a stable person. However having to watch a partner suffer from depression can be a painful experience in itself. I'd rather my partner had casual sex than felt suicidal.

Also, an increased risk of making a reckless mistake when sick, does not translate to an increased risk of ongoing affairs and deception. I can see no logical reason for believing that a person with bipolar disorder would be more likely to be dishonest and untrustworthy on a day to day basic, than your average healthy person.

In summary, get to know the person you want to date. Find out about their fundamental attitude towards relationships and monogamy. Determine how well they are managing their condition. Find out what you can do to help and develop plans for dealing with difficult times. Don't simply write someone off because he or she happens to suffer from bipolar disorder - you could be missing out on a wonderful, healthy relationship.

Are bipolar women the natural target of the abusive male?

An aspect of mental health which is often neglected is the exploitation we can expect from bullies in society. Resources focus on our intrinsic experiences and often those of our friends and family; thankfully discrimination is becoming more widely addressed; but nobody ever warned me that the lesser well-meaning people in society would see a diagnosis of bipolar disorder as a big flag marked, "Abuse me."

A mental illness is like a "buy one get one free" for a bully, because in general we are vulnerable lot who can be easier to manipulate than others, but also, if we ever try to stand up to them they can use our diagnoses to try and discredit our voices.

I've seen this happen to people with mental health problems professionally, in housing situations and most prominently in sexual relationships. Psychologically abusive men seems to flock towards mentally ill women because "No dear, you're just a bit manic" is such a convenient deflection.

Perhaps when we are taught how to spot the early warning signs of mania and depression, we should also be taught how to recognise a bully and successfully remove one from our lives before they get too strong a hold.

The symptoms of bipolar disorder - the highs, the lows, the self-criticism, the guilt - are tough enough to live with without always having to be on our guard for people who want to take advantage of us, yet we do have to be extra vigilant.

On the plus side, those of us being treated for mental health problems tend to have well-developed support networks and have learnt effective coping strategies, which means that if we do become victims of bullying, we are in a relatively strong position to defend ourselves, compared with victims who have never previously needed psychological intervention.