Dear JJ (AKA "What Crazy Looks Like")
Yesterday I listened to an audio clip of Fletch and Vaughan reading some text messages allegedly send from a girl called JJ, to a man she had a one night stand with. The girl was clearly suffering from a severe anxiety episode, yet people all over the globe seem to view this as entertainment.
Since when has a girl having a mental breakdown been funny? Screen shots of the texts have propagated all over the web under the title "This is What Crazy Looks Like Via Text Messaging" and there are literally thousands of comments from people laughing at her.
I really hope that the texts are a hoax. If not, there is a girl out there, who will no doubt be deeply distressed by this mass, disgusting example of digital bullying.
What JJ appears to have experienced, is the involuntary surge of chemicals that follows sex. She felt attached to Kevin, whether she wanted to or not, and any sign that he did not feel the same way, caused her great anxiety. In order to alleviate this anxiety, she texted him again and again. Every time he failed to respond, she felt more anxiety and the urge to text him again increased. She got caught up in a self-defeating loop. Later texts suggest that she loathed the way she was behaving, yet was powerless to stop.
Most of the comments about this appear to see things from the man's point of views. Yes, I understand why her texts may have annoyed him, but that seems negligible given the pain she must have been in to send so many, deeply troubled texts.
So JJ, if you're reading this, the people who are laughing about this are the ones you should feel sorry for. They are obviously to shallow to appreciate that somebody in your position deserves compassion, not public humiliation and mockery. For many people, the emotions that follow sex with a new partner, or overpowering and confusing. You are not the only girl who has behaved in this way, and you won't be the last.
13 comments:
im sorry as much as i try to have sympathy with her i dont, she knows and admits that her behaviour is abnormal so why does she persure one night stands when they are just going to excel the insecurity she has within herself.. she needs to try find a slow relationship thats not based on a one night stand or sex to stop hurting herself
She wouldn't have necessarily known her reaction would be this severe or indeed at all unusual. In part 2 of the screenshots (not part of the audio clip) she admits that this was unexpected and that she has scared herself.
After sex the body goes through a series of chemical changes, sometimes leading to attachment and severe emotional irregularities. Not everybody can imagine (or in some cases remember) how intense that can be.
I agree, that she needs to take things slowly, but she might not have had the experiences to know that, until this happened.
Just as she has a responsibility to make sure that she doesn't put herself in this position again, other people need to realise that attachment is a common consequence of sex, and be prepared to respect their sexual partner if emotional issues result from sex. I'm not saying that he should have a relationship with her, but not posting their private conversations online would be a good start.
if this were the other way round and a guy was constantly contacting a woman it would be classed as harassment. she is harassing him non-stop and if you'd heard his radio interview you'd know he couldn't even change his phone number due to work contacts
Whilst I appreciate that her behaviour could be perceived as harassment, that doesn't change the fact that she was clearly suffering from great distress.
Upsetting for him, yes.
No matter which of them could be considered worse off, her mental health problems should not be a source of mass amusement. Public humiliation will only worsen her mental health, promoting further extreme behaviour.
He doesn't deserve to be harassed, but that doesn't mean that she deserves to be ill, or humiliated.
It's a bit painful to read to be honest. I think she has a huge attachment issues and insecurities and definitely need help. But did you know she was the one who went forward to Kevin on the internet and sent naked pictures of herself and that date was the first time they met each other? Not sure if she's aware of her own issues but she created all of this herself. I agree 'cuddle hormones' can make women turn irrational, but this is way deeper than that. I fear more for Kevin, what if she does something even more crazy after finding out this had gone viral?
I can't remember her texts perfectly, but as I recall, any threats of violence were either directed at herself or implied by the commentators.
Whether she pursued him, or not, does not affect whether or not she deserved this. A woman being forward about sex is not something to be ashamed of. Her messages show that she despises her reaction, so perhaps she would have behaved differently, had she known.
Kevin clearly shows no remorse about this going viral, as he posted "Part 2" after the Fletch and Vaughan show.
Thank you for your thoughtful comments. Whilst I laughed when I listened to the radio broadcast, I also empathised intensely with JJ and suspect that most people can relate to some degree. I hope she reads your words and I hope she feels happier soon.
Oh please stop! Everyone wants to put a mental label on everything these days, everyone has some kind of disorder. Whatever...it's called self-restraint, at 27 years old she needs to learn some! I think she needed to be put on blast so she could see a mirror of herself and stop acting so foolishly, maybe this will be a reality check for her and other girls and guys out there that have gotten too attached and think they can lie, harass and buy their way back into somebody's life. She was making power moves and she knew what she was doing. It makes me sick when ppl throw out the suicide card and ESPECIALLy the pregnancy card just to get someone to talk to them. That disgusts me. Like I said she knew what she was doing and it didn't work, he should've called the cops on her, that is straight harassment and who knows if it could've ended up becoming violent against Kevin. Like I said I hope this is a lesson others out there that you can't just say and do anything you want to other people b/c you will put your butt on blast on the internet, nothing is sacred and nothing is secret anymore.
Mental health labels are wide spread because mental health problem are wide spread.
It's clear that she despises her behaviour yet feels compelled to keep going. If you'd been in her position or worked with somebody who has, you would recognise a distinct pattern typical of a compulsive disorder.
The people posting a reporting to video even give her a mental health label, albeit a crass one (crazy).
Did she threaten violence? I've only read to texts in their entirety once.
Whilst I don't agree with her pretending to be pregnant, it shows her total desperation to get out of the loop she's stuck in.
She may well have been suicidal. Compulsive behaviour is very frightening.
Her actions cannot be explained by a model of healthy behaviour. She hardly knows him, yet it seems as though her world is falling apart because they're not friends. That alone demonstrates that she's mentally ill.
Have a listen to this
http://soundcloud.com/vaughan-1-1/fletch-vaughan-talk-to-kevin
Thanks for posting the subsequent interview with Kevin.
He clearly had no comprehension of the agony that JJ went through, and lacks any recognition of his own responsibility for such.
A decent person would support his or her sexual partner through any negative consequence.
Ok. I'm super irritated because people keep implying that Kevin was only interested in a one night stand. Where do you get that from? He WAS interested, he just had plans with his friends and said he'd text her later...that's when she FLIPPED OUT. He only became uninterested in her AFTER her slew of inappropriate texts. To mirror what someone else said, if a man did this to a woman, it would be considered a form of sexual harassment.
I'm not sure that I did imply that he was only after a one-night stand, did I?
Whatever his intentions. He didn't support her through the negative emotions that she experienced as a consequence of their night together. In fact, he hid at a friend's house while she was having a break down, and then wondered why she felt rejected.
Yes, it is harassment, but that still doesn't mean that it was right for him to allow the texts to be posted online, and it still doesn't justify making a psychotic episode mass entertainment.
Post a Comment